Top Five Guests at David Beckham's World Cup Party

5. Puffy Diddy
4. Gary Neville
3. Chris De Burgh
2. Joseph Stalin
1. Richard Briers

Top Five Things for David Blaine to be Trapped In

5. A bath filled with piss
4. Hell
3. The past
2. The M6
1. John Prescott

Top Five Replacements for Wayne Rooney at the World Cup

5. Peter Crouch
4. Geoff Hurst
3. Boris Johnson
2. Soccerbot 3000
1. Tom Cruise

Top Five Excuses Used by Gary Glitter

5. There were some ghosts there
4. I was only teaching those young girls a funky new dance
3. I do not exist
2. It wasn't my penis; it was a sponge finger
1. Michael Jackson did it