World Cup Special

Welcome to Munchen, foot-fans! Moran Hat is here to report on the World Cup and to be first to bring you all the goals, gaffs, girls and gulls that are sure to occur!

News:

Samba Style!
The players/footballers from Serbia and Montenegro have taken to eating raw meat in an effort to improve the efficiency of their offside trap. Coach, Minky Munky says "We will bathe in the blood of our enemies' children". That's quite some goal!

Shirts and Pants!
Several teams at the 2006 World Cup are sporting new style shirts designed using the latest technology and assembled by babies in dungeons in China. Always striving to produce the best, lightest and most arousing kits, manufacturers such as Umbro, Admiral and Troop have furnished some of the world's best teams with sport shirts that include dazzling new features such as:

Costa Rica - Detachable collar
England - Breast pocket for storage of 2 x tomato ketchup sachets
Italy - Shirt made entirely of paint
Barnsley - In-built grenades

MATCH REPORT: Togo 0:0 Iran
Football is coming home! This was never going to be an easy game for the footballers of these countries. Iran were looking to bounce back from their last game in which they were defeated 4-0 by the referee and Togo were forced to field a team partly made up of inflatable replica players after four of their players, Nwankwo Stinkata, Barnald Walpergicide, David Oilflesh and their star striker, Mop were trapped in a refrigerator for eight minutes before the game, and became "too cold to play".

The crowd made horrible noises throughout, as men kicked the ball and ran into different positions. There was also some spitting and pushing.

This result means that England can never win the World Cup again.