Top Five Ways to Show Your Patriotism During the World Cup

5. Attach little plastic St George flag (£2.99) to car
4. Drape St George flag out of bedroom window. Make sure to leave it there for years after the world cup has finished, until it becomes increasingly grey and ragged and eventually completely dissolves.
3. Sing a song about hating the IRA
2. Buy a new pair of Reebok Classics
1. Attack local kebab shop