Technosexo

Life just got 78% better, with today's exciting technouncement from Alba. The electronics manufacturer have, in an apocalypse of publicity revealed their new must-have gadget, the XZi720, designed to launch them into the new internet cyber realm in a big big way. The XZi720 which is endorsed by David Coverdale, is equipped with a 7GB hard drive, and is capable of displaying images on the 1.5" lcd monitor (sold separately) and playing videos up to 10 minutes in length, dependent on the number of words spoken in the video. It also has expansion slots capable of taking 38 Memory Sticks simultaneously, and can be plugged into an electrical socket to enable "lightning power"

XZi720 owners also get access to Alba's new technoporthole at www.futurenowmusicfilmsyes.com from where they can control their cyber lives with ease. They are able to send a special MMS to futurenowmusicfilmsyes which is then displayed on the internet (accessible from most PCs and Macks). This is then automatically converted into a DIVX file and emailed to a random contact from Alba's database of cool fuckers, who must then send back a mash-up remix of the file to the original user's XZi720 handset. The handset must then be switched off for ten minutes, and then when it is switched back on, it plays a nice tune.

Gadget-gurus are engaging in a rubbing frenzy at the prospect of the XZi720, with some describing it as "Good" and others as "Totally shit".

Budding XZi720 owners are urged to pre-order ahead of the launch for Christmas 2005, with limited supply of around 12 units per country forecast. Demand is sure to outstrip supply and a bloodbath outside Dixons appears to be on the cards.